What Were You In Your First Memory?

Dec 23

Written By Ibtisam

﷽

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

SubhanAllah (Glory be to Allah), I don’t know where to begin. This has been a long time coming. The thought of creating a website has been one that I have ruminated over countless times. I have always found myself in this liminal space between wanting to make my thoughts and my writing public and keeping them private within the confines of the pages of my journal. Eventually, I told myself a website was too grandiose and so I let it go for a while. However, the idea remained as a looming shadow in my thoughts. So, to test the water, I decided to start sharing my writings on my personal instagram account. This was my way of dipping one foot in the water instead of diving right in for a swim. In the meantime, I continued making du’a (supplication) about it, asking Allah for guidance - Ya Allah guide me to what is best. If there is goodness in this, then show me a sign by increasing my yearning for it. And if there's not, then extinguish the flame of my yearning and choose for me what’s best.

And SubhanAllah, my yearning slowly increased but I was still not at full conviction yet. So, I decided take the next step and have both feet now dipped in the water - At the beginning of this year, I created a separate instagram account that I made public. I called it ibtisams_scatteredthoughts. I think I posted once or twice and then took a step back. Ramadan came along in March and I decided to challenge myself to writing every day during the month for 30 days. Hence, 30 Reflective Days was born. Alhamdulillah (All Praise and Thanks Belong to Allah), it was the most rewarding experience I ever had. It made my Ramadan that much more enriching. I looked forward to what Allah was going to inspire me to write each day. This experience catapaulted ibtisams_scatteredthoughts from instagram into the launch of By Ibtisam, the website - Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah!

With that, I welcome you to my safe haven: a space where I cultivate my thoughts and deepen my undersatnding and relationship with God. This is a journey that is not just about me, but also about the various elements that make up my life. It's about the books I read, the thoughts I pen down, and the divine teachings I immerse myself in. So, thank you for joining me on this journey. I hope that through sharing, we can learn from each other, grow together, and deepen our understanding of the world around us and our place in it.

Through this newsletter, In Sha Allah (God-willing), I will be sharing with you what I’ve decided to call - Soulful Smiles: Your Weekly Oasis of Reflection. Soulful because I intend to write from my soul as I’ve always done with the hopes of connecting with the essence of who you are as a soul. Smiles is derived from my name, Ibtisam, which means smile. Oasis because when you find yourself stranded, whatever it may be, I hope this newsletter like an oasis will provide refuge, relief and a pleasant contrast to the arid nature of life.

Finally, I leave you with your first Soulful Smile ↓

Soulful Smiles: Your Weekly Oasis of Reflection

What Were You In Your First Memory?

Back in October, my bestfriend invited me to a writing workshop. During the workshop we watched a spoken word documentary called Truth Underground, that featured the stories of three spoken word poets. The documentary starts off with poetry spoken by CJ Suitt who in the documentary shares about finding his identity through speaking poetry. The poem ends with the line, “In my first memory I am a poet.” After watching this portion of the documentary, we were asked to write to the the prompt: What were you in your first memory? So, I wrote:

What was I in my first memory? What comes to mind is, a writer. As a child, I used to write stories. I came up with my own language with words I made up that filled the pages of my notebook. Writing has always been my companion for as long as I can remember. I have carried a journal/diary with me from the moment I learned to write. Growing up, my voice in some ways felt stifled, hence writing was where I went to find it. The pen became my voice and the pages became the place I could be the loudest, where I could go to be heard and to breathe. In my first memory, I am a writer.

To you, I also ask: What were you in your first memory?

With A Smile,

Ibtisam