Writing My Way Forward
﷽
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Assalamu alaykum (Peace be upon you) my beloved. I pray you are well and in the best state of mind, body and heart.
Life is a journey of peaks and valleys, moments of joy interwoven with episodes of struggle. Each of us encounters seasons that challenge our beliefs, test our resolve, and prompt us to reflect deeply on our purpose. It is during these times of introspection that we often find ourselves grappling with profound questions about our actions and their alignment with our values. Today’s edition of Soulful Smiles serves as a window into my current state of mind—a space where I hope to express my vulnerabilities, seek clarity, and reconnect with the sincerity that fuels my writing.
I’m going through one of the most challenging periods of my life—one of the hardest tests, Alhamdulillah, that Allah has willed for me. This phase has led me to question so much: why I started this newsletter, why I do the things I do, and—most deeply—my sincerity. Sincerity has weighed heavily on my heart, especially since embarking on my journey toward the Qur’an and seeking closeness to Allah. I’ve found myself asking, Am I doing this solely for the sake of Allah? To know and love Him more deeply? Or have I been influenced by worldly gains?
Amidst this inner turmoil, I experienced a deep writer’s block. Writing became difficult, and it didn’t feel genuine to put out newsletters for the sake of consistency, detached from my heart’s true state. When I started this space, I promised to write from a place of sincerity and soul. And because I couldn’t, I paused.
Subhan’Allah, I’ve reached a point where I’ve decided to let go and let Allah ﷻ take over—to let my life unfold according to His perfect plan. He is the Best of Planners. This newsletter marks my return to writing—or rather, my intention to start writing again In sha Allah.
I've realized that when faced with life's challenges, I often retreat into a cocoon of myself. Communication becomes strained, and writing—which should be my refuge—falls by the wayside. Consequently, when I stop writing, months blur together, and I find myself unable to recall what I have lived through, creating a void in my memory. Writing for me is not merely an outlet for my thoughts; it also serves as a means to document, process and review my growth and evolution.
As I find myself in another whirlwind, I want to return to writing—to document my thoughts, the challenges I face, and the changes occurring within me as Allah shapes my journey. Even if my writing isn’t as polished or doesn’t make it into a newsletter, having an archive of my life, my thoughts, my reflections and the journey of my becoming, will still hold tremendous value. I am committing to writing again as my path forward, In sha Allah.
One form my writing has taken is in du’a. I have been writing out my du’as more, which has brought ease amid difficulties, Alhamdulillah. Through this practice, I’ve been having intimate conversations with Allah, seeking Him, knowing Him, and deepening my love, and yearning for Him.
I was moved by a recent episode about du’a on the Honest Tea Talk podcast, where Sister Layinka shared a profound insight. She emphasized the need for a shift in our language when making du’a—from “it will come” to “it is coming.” The moment we ask Allah for something, regardless of how or when it arrives, it’s an active process. The gap between asking and receiving—however Allah deems fit—offers opportunities for growth. We may have to endure hardships and tests to be ready for our answered du’as.
Sister Aaliyah emphasized that when making du’a, we should also pray to become the type of person ready to receive the answer. While waiting, we can ask Allah to help us be grateful when we receive it and to ensure we are in the right state to respond with active gratitude. Even if Allah does not grant our request, the act of making du’a itself transforms us into better individuals.
Thus, perhaps this chapter of my life is a period of growth and preparation, a waiting phase where Allah is shaping me for an answered du’a. I pray this is the case. As I write my way through this experience, I hope to reflect on how His Mercy has carried me.
Lately, much of my writing has felt dark and confusing, mirroring my state of mind and heart. Given the overwhelming darkness in the world, I felt there was no need to add to it, and I doubted anyone would want to read more somber writing amidst everything happening. I wanted this space to offer relief and an escape. However, my recent writing has been heavy and deeply personal, and I’ve felt uncomfortable sharing much of it. This hesitation has contributed to the long gap, but I’ve begun to think it might be time for honesty with you all.
Several of you have kindly reached out, and I am truly grateful for your support. Your messages asking about the newsletter—“I’ve missed your writing. When will you write again?”—have meant a lot to me. To some, I’ve simply acknowledged that I’m in the process of it. In truth, I struggled to find the right words to explain that it’s been a challenging time for me and my family, and I’m trying to make sense of it all. I’m sincerely and incredibly thankful to the loyal 18 of you who dedicate your time to read what I share and consider it worthy. For those who have expressed that you’ve benefited from it, I pray that Allah continues to make it beneficial.
I wanted to send this letter as a reminder that I have not forgotten about you or this newsletter. You are in my thoughts and du’as, and I ask that you include my family in your du’a. For now, I am allowing my life to unfold in whatever way Allah, Al-Musawwir, designs it, trusting that only khayr will emerge from it.
You might hear from me sporadically, perhaps when I feel inspired. I may send a letter to share thoughts and lessons learned as I explore the complexities of my journey, the challenges I face, and the hope that propels me forward. I hope that the next time you hear from me, it will be something lighter for the heart—an escape from the heaviness.
JazakumAllah Khayran (May Allah reward you with goodness) for making it to the end of this Soulful Smiles. Thank you for taking the time to read my reflections. I ask Allah for goodness in your health and iman, and I pray you are always enveloped in Allah's mercy. I humbly ask for your du’as for my family and for clarity in this season of life. He ﷻ is the Best to be asked and The Most Generous in whom is our hope.
With A Smile,
Ibtisam
PS: You can now read previous Soulful Smiles editions here
